March 3, 2012 7:09 PM PST
Depending on your budget, desired milage, and alcohol, I would recommend Mitchell Brothers, Crazy Horse, or Penthouse Club.
Mitchell Brothers O'Farrell Theatre
http://www.ofarrell.com/
Highest milage, highest price. Some say the most beautiful dancers in SF, I'm not sure if you will agree. Supposedly $20 lap dances but I've heard those tend to be mostly upsell opportunities. Fee for a private booth for some number of minutes, and definitely negotiate ahead of time with the dancer about her tip and what will happen.
Crazy Horse
http://crazyhorse-sf.com/
Full nude. $20 lap dance, $40 topless, $100 private booth with a curtain. Best club if you want to just get laps. Songs are typically not cut so 3-5 min.
Deja Vu Centerfolds
http://centerfoldssf.com/
Full nude. Used to be the "flagship" of SF but has gone though management changes and I've heard lots of complaints from customers and dancers. Used to have lots of pretty younger dancers but I don't know current conditions or prices.
Gold Club
http://www.goldclubsf.com/
Hustler Club
http://www.hustlerclubsf.com/
Penthouse Club
http://www.penthousesf.com/
Deja Vu Showgirls
Condor Club
alcohol. Topless stage, bikini dances. All partially or fully owned by Deja Vu, have some expensive drinks with some pretty dancers. Milage is low, but SF defines "table dance" as "don't grind in his lap for more than 3 seconds at a time". Something like $20 table dances out on the floor, 2 for $60 in a more secluded area, VIP dances for more, and Champagne booths for even more. And remember your Chris Rock, "There Is No Sex In The Champagne Room". Bouncers in tuxes making sure you are not touching too much, at least in the public areas. Penthouse Club did a soft open and probably has the the best looking dancers for the moment, since it is the newest.
Lusty Lady
http://www.lustyladysf.com/
Classic peep show, owned by a co-operative. Best value if all you want to do is look, but you definitely get all types of bodies on the other side of that glass. Make sure you lock your door, unless you want another patron as a visitor to your booth....
There are a bunch of other nude clubs on Broadway, mostly pretty small, all owned by Deja Vu. Garden of Eden, The Hungry I, Little Darlings, Roaring 20's.
Market Street Cinema is also owned by DJV. It used to be the best bang for the buck but that was over 10 years ago, avoid it now.