Forums » Humor & Fiction

• knottyboi

  

  • 50 posts
   

  April 3, 2012 10:13 PM PDT

  when i saw the topic "how they hang" reminded me of a couple of old bad jokes.

  two guys stop to take a piss off a bridge, first guy tries to impress the other

  "man that water is cold" second guy one ups him

  "Yeah and it's really deep too"

  another one

  first guy " i got my girlfriends name tattooed on my dick. see? it says wendy"

  second guy "mine says wendy too. only when it gets hard it says

  welcome to jamaica have a nice day"

  the third joke is more of a visual

  a guy lets call him.... Sal. goes to the psychiatrist and says"DOC ya gotta help me, I am obsessed with  tits. I can't stop thinking about them.

  So the doc says we will find out whats going on lie down and we will do a little word association

  tell me the first thing that comes into your mind

  Ok

  Bosom

  tits

  woman

  tits

  balloons

  tits

  cantalope

  tits

  basketball

  tits tits

  watermellon

  tits tits

  windsheild wipers

  tits tits TITS!

  the doctor can't believe it stops the session" Ok, i get all the others. but how the hell do you associate windshield wipers with tits?"

  "Easy doc, when its raining the wipers do this"

  he then moves his head from side to side making kissing noises

  sorry its more visual. Hey the topic IS bad jokes....

  sorry Sal you are the bignaturals expert so the first person i thought of.

• KushHead

  

  • 29 posts
   

  May 31, 2012 9:21 PM PDT

  LOL damn itallian cougars.. willing to steal their daughters newly wed husbands...
  ok this isnt really a joke... but not too long ago i had to deliver a package to a place called Angels in corona. Now this place has 2 sides. 1 side is angels sports bar. the opposite end of the building is angels strip club... during the day the sports bar area recieves their delivers.... so this particular day i had a box.. and on it was one of those lil Machines that u put ur change in and it seperates the pennies, nickles, dimes, and quarters for you....
  i handed the box over to the cute bartender... and she mumbled "Whats this?? or i think its for them on the otherside" to which i replied. "YES, i think they needed it for their tips...." and all i got was a blank stare back... right over her head!! i was rather proud of my quick remark, i found it hilarious but hey, thats me i guess.. Even a hot cute lil bartender is just boring when they lack a sense of humor :D
• Fyrwolf

  

  • 15 posts
   

  June 4, 2012 9:09 AM PDT

  A woman goes to by a new pet. She decides on a parrot. The store owner warns her though that this parrot used to live in a whorehouse. She says she'll take it anyway.
  When she gets the bird home; it looks and around and says "new house". Then it sees her and says "new house, new madam."
  She's a little surprised at this; but brushes it off.
  When her two teenage daughters come home; the bird sees them and says "new house, new madam, new whores."
  At this; the woman is shocked; but her and her daughters laugh it off.
  When her husband comes home; the bird sees him and says "new house, new madam, new whores, HI GEORGE!!"
• Fyrwolf

  

  • 15 posts
   

  June 4, 2012 9:13 AM PDT

  a man comes home to find the neighbor fucking his wife. in a rage; he grabs the neighbor and drags him out the garage. he takes the neighbors dick and clamps it down in a vice. the neighbor is now in tears fighting to get loose as the man goes for a hacksaw. "Oh god, dont cut my dick off!" he cries.
  "Oh im not gonna cut it off; YOU ARE!! IM gonna burn the garage down."
• Fyrwolf

  

  • 15 posts
   

  June 4, 2012 9:24 AM PDT

  Three men die and go to the pearly gates.
  St Peter asks the first "how did you die?"
  the man starts his story
  "Well; i came home from work early one day because i've suspected that my wife was cheating on me. When i got there; i found her naked in bed and a set of mans clothes next to hers on the floor. I searched and searched for the bastard. Finally; i found him dangling by his fingertips off our balcony. I stomped on em till he fell. Now; he fell two stories but he landed safely in the bushes. So i ran and grabbed our refrigerator; dragged it out to the balcony; and dropped it on the bastards head. In all this rage and anger i had a heart attack and died."
  St Peter then calls the second man "how did you die?"
  the second man starts his story
  "Well; i was making love to my wife; when we got into an argument. It started out silly; but then got heated. She got so mad that she pushed me away; and i stumbled over our balcony. Luckily; i managed to catch on to the balcony of the room below us. But then this lunatic came up and started stomping on my hands! That of course made me fall; but luckily there's some bushes there that i landed it. Then the damn lunatic threw a refrigerator down on me and killed me."
  St Peter then calls the third man "how did you die?"
  the third man starts his story
  "So picture this: Im hiding in this refrigerator...